“Helicopter Parenting” it never helps… intention doesn’t matter

helicopter parenting, descriptor frequently used to illustrate the problematic parenting style where parents have difficulty allowing their children to make mistakes or operate independently. Many parents identify their involvement in their children’s life stemming from desire for good things. Recent research at Brigham Young University finds that this parenting style may be detrimental irrespective of parents loving intentions.

In many cases, emotions are triggered in parents that drive them to resolve their children’s difficulty and in turn sooth of their own feelings. In the short run this tends to be very effective in reducing discomfort in both the parent and child. However, in the long run this can create an unhealthy dependence where the child has evidence of being not fully capable in their own world and proof that they need their parent(s) for things to turn out well. Many times Dr. Davenport finds himself discussing parenting as a “proving ground” where children are able to make mistakes and then turn to their parents for support where children over time become more confident in their ability to solve problems. With helicopter parenting, frequently the parents intervene after little or no struggle on their children’s part and wind up having proof of their ability to relieve discomfort. In the long run the likelihood is helicopter parenting will perpetuate the children turning to their parents resulting in increased burden on parents. This can be a tricky dynamic to change especially if parents had helicopter parents of their own or overly absent or dismissive parents. In these situations parents frequently want to ensure their children do not experience the negative things they did in may tend to over correct.